The Wingmen
by The Additional Pylon
Summary: With only one map left before the mandatory wedding, Robin and his allies are faced with the monumental task of getting Chrom and Olivia together before it is too late. Can these legendary Wingmen succeed in their plans or is Chrom fated to live the rest of his life with a random village girl? Based on a somewhat true story.


**With the new Smash Bros. just around the corner with a whole slew of FE characters , I thought it'd be fitting to bring back memories of this great game. And what better way to do so than by putting up a story based on the main reason why everyone bought this game in the first place: to become the greatest eugenics master to create the ultimate super-saiyan god child! Okay maybe not everyone bought the game for that but still... Ahem. Anyways, I thought I'd pass the spotlight onto Chrom and his support list seeing as how he won't be in Smash Bros. ****(poor guy got Falcon Punched into being a mere Final Smash for Robin after all). I'm sure many of you have had trouble figuring out the mechanics behind Chrom's strange relationship rules and his mandatory marriage half-way into the game. Well, maybe only a few min-maxers like myself might have... but that's not the point. The point is to honor the brave men and women who sacrificed their sanity to get the elusive Chrom x Olivia pairing. And so I present to you the forgotten history of the greatest heroes of Ylisse: the legendary Wingmen.**

***Disclaimer: Only parts of this tale is based on actual events. The rest is purely fictional and added for humorous effect. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual playthroughs is purely coincidental. The author is not responsible for any injuries or loss of brain cells from attempting to recreate this scenario on their games. You have been warned. Enjoy! :D  
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><p><strong>The Wingmen<strong>

As was usual before a big battle, Robin was inside his tent as he tirelessly went over the plans for the upcoming showdown with Gangrel. Stacks of manuals and notes were littered on the tactician's make-shift desk as he worked into the night trying to come up with the most efficient strategy. Just as he was acting out another possible scenario in his mind, Chrom suddenly walked in looking rather tired.

"Chrom? What're you doing up this late?" Robin asked in surprise as he faced his friend with a concerned look. "You should be getting some rest for tomorrow's battle!"

"I wish I could," Chrom replied with a sigh as he took a seat next to the tactician. "It's just… something's been on my mind lately and I can't get any sleep because of it."

"Oh…" Robin looked down as he guessed where this was going. "Look, what happened to Emmeryn wasn't your fault. You heard everyone at Regna Ferox. We all think that you're- "

"No, that's not what I'm talking about," Chrom interrupted as he suddenly turned red for some reason. "You see… there's this girl... and I… umm… give me a second."

Robin couldn't help but raise an eyebrow as the prince suddenly bolted out of his chair and stuck his head outside as if looking for something.

"Just making sure no one was listening," Chrom said in answer to Robin's questioning gaze as he sat back down. "Wouldn't want anyone to spread weird rumors around after all."

"Okay…"

"Anyways, let me get back to what I was saying before. There's this girl that I'm interested in but I… umm… well… we haven't been around each other much and… er…"

"It's Olivia isn't it?" Robin interrupted as he put all the pieces together. "She's the one that's gotten you all worked up like this?"

Chrom could only nod as he turned redder than before. Robin could only give a tired sigh as he quickly figured out the rest of what his friend was going to ask.

"Let me guess. You want me to position our troops so that the two of you can be together for the upcoming battle."

"Yeah, pretty much," Chrom replied sheepishly as he looked the other way. "Don't get me wrong though. I'm still going to make Gangrel pay for what he did but I was hoping I could get a little alone time with my dear Olivia before I shove Falchion up the Mad King's-"

"Okay, okay, I see what you're getting at," Robin quickly cut in. "But wouldn't it make more sense to leave all of this courting business until after the battle?"

"Are you kidding me? You know better than anyone that the battlefield is the best place to kindle a relationship! Also, what if Olivia and I end up going separate ways after the war? Or even worse, what if I'm forced to marry a random village girl because of some important societal reason? Then the two of us will never be able to get together!"

"…"

"Besides," Chrom continued, ignoring his friend's silence, "it's not like there's any other women in this army that's interested in me. I mean, Sumia's always lying with her face on the ground as if she doesn't want to see me, Sully's too busy training to bother with anyone, Maribelle practically hates anyone that can't make tea properly, and Cordelia… I don't know why but I swear that girl has it out for me. Every time she sees me, she gets all red in the face and suddenly acts all serious for some reason. Honestly, it's like my very presence enrages her or something."

As soon as he heard this, Robin face-palmed so hard that the smack was heard all throughout the camp.

"Umm… Robin?" Chrom asked worriedly as the tactician continued to stay silent with his face buried in his hands. "Are you feeling alright?'

"Oh, I'm fine," Robin said after a while. "It's just that the level of obliviousness around here astounds me."

"Yeah, I can agree with you on that one," Chrom replied with a laugh. "Even I'm surprised that Olivia hasn't figured out my feelings for her yet."

This remark simply earned him another bout of silence as Robin suppressed the urge to scream in frustration. Luckily, the tactician was spared the task of dealing with the clueless prince any further as Gregor and Lon'qu suddenly rushed into the tent with their weapons drawn.

"Oy! We heard loud SMACK from outside!" Gregor exclaimed as he began looking around the room. "Did something happen?"

"It's… it's fine," Robin told the mercenary as he lowered his hands and tried to regain his composure. "I just had to face-palm for… certain reasons. Anyways, everything's alright here so you can go back to your patrol."

"By the way, the two of you didn't happen to hear what I was just talking about, right?" Chrom quickly inquired before the two could leave.

"Hear what?" Lon'qu asked as he narrowed his eyes.

"Oh… nothing," Chrom stated with a nervous laugh as he stood up. "Ahem. Anyways, I think I should leave you to your work now, master tactician. Just make sure that I have the right… support for the next battle. Oh, and you-know-who isn't the greatest fighter in the world so make sure you plan for that as well. Alright then, good night everyone."

With that, the prince finally left the tent as the three remaining men continued to stare with various looks of confusion and relief on their faces.

"That was… how you say… very weird," Gregor eventually remarked. "Gregor not this confused since seeing giant bear do jig in middle of woods."

"Hmph. If our business here is done, then I suggest we get back to keeping watch," Lon'qu simply stated as he began heading out.

"Umm… wait a second guys," Robin suddenly said, halting the two warriors. "If you don't mind, could you help me with this rather… unusual predicament that I have?"

"Gregor always happy to help fellow comrade! Now what is bothering smart man?"

"Well… promise me that you won't tell this to anyone else but…"

For the next several minutes, Robin began relaying Chrom's ridiculous request as well as ranting about his friend's unbelievable obliviousness to the other women. By the end of it, the two warriors were dead silent as Robin tried to catch his breath.

"This is ridiculous," Lon'qu finally remarked with his arms crossed. "We're supposed to risk our lives in battle while our commander tries to impress some woman?"

"Gregor is all for wooing woman, yes. But doing so on battlefield seems… very dumb."

"Please, you've got to help me guys!" Robin pleaded. "You two are the strongest soldiers in this army and I need your help to pull this off! I know this whole scenario is… stupid, to say the least, but I can't just turn away my best friend at a time like this! And as sad as it is, I'm afraid if he doesn't end up with Olivia, he'll either be forced to marry some random village girl due to societal pressures or live the rest of his life alone… with Frederick."

After another long silence, the two swordsmen simultaneously let out a defeated sigh.

"Very well," Lon'qu said in a clearly exasperated voice. "As long as I can face some worthy foes and claim victory tomorrow, I shall lend my sword to this cause."

"Look like Gregor has no choice but to save prince from life of aloneness with the nanny knight," Gregor remarked as a smile returned to his face. "But this will cost extra, yes?"

"Yeah, sure. Just help me complete this mission and I'll get Chrom to give you the royal treasury if I have to," Robin said with a relieved sigh. "Alright, let's get planning."

And after spending several hours discussing different strategies and approaches, the three finally arrived at a plan that they all deemed worthy.

"…and as long as we don't draw Gangrel's agro too early, we should be fine," Robin summed up as his two comrades nodded in agreement. "Of course, if worst comes to worst, then we'll have to initiate plan… umm… what did you call it again Gregor?"

"Plan Super Secret Headless Chicken Run Diversion from Crazy King of Doom!"

"Er… let's just call it plan B. Anyways, as long as we stick to this plan, we should be perfectly fine," Robin concluded as he let out a tired sigh. "Great Naga, that took forever. Even so, I can't thank you guys enough for agreeing to help me with this. I don't know what I would've done without you."

"You could've just let one of the wyverns eat our commander," Lon'qu replied coldly.

"Heh. That is a valid option but I think we're all better off sticking with our strategy. Well, I think we're done here. We should all go get some-"

"Wait!" Gregor suddenly interrupted. "If we are to be doing secret mission as team, then we must have fitting team name, do we not?"

"Er…"

"Not to worry! Gregor has already thought of fantastic team name! We shall be known as… the Chicken Men!"

"…"

"…what?"

"Did Gregor not say it correct? Maybe it was Pigeon Men? Swan Men? Goose Men? Hmm…What is word for man who helps other man get woman?"

"Wingman?" Robin answered uncertainly.

"Ah, yes! Wingman! Yes, we shall be called… The Wingmen!"

"…"

"Go get some sleep Gregor."

**xxx  
><strong>_**The next day…**_

While Chrom and Gangrel continued to shout death threats at each other from across the soon-to-be battlefield, Robin began relaying his plan to the rest of the troops.

"… and once you reach your specified destinations, hold your position until I give the signal."

As soon as Robin finished, many of the Shepherds began making various sounds of confusion and disapproval.

"I'm not usually one to question orders but wouldn't it be easier if we just pressed the attack rather than hang back?" Cordelia asked as several of the other soldiers began nodding in agreement. "I mean, your plan seems to rely on us playing awfully safe for such a straightforward mission."

The tactician began to sweat profusely as he quickly tried to think of an excuse to cover his real plan.

"Well… umm… there's a very good reason for that," Robin stated hesitantly as everyone continued to stare at him. "You see… I've heard that… er…"

"Mad King might have big secret weapon!" Gregor suddenly interrupted, saving Robin from the countless questioning glares. "Gregor heard rumor yesterday and warn smart man of it!"

"Yeah, that's right!" Robin agreed as he quickly played along. "I don't have any specific information on it yet but Gangrel might have some last resort weapon that could threaten all of us if we push forward too aggressively. That's why I've devised this plan to keep our troops safe until I can assess the situation further."

Luckily for Robin, the rest of the Shepherds seemed content with this explanation as they all gave a shrug and began preparing to head out.

"Remember, don't cross those forts until I give the all-clear!" Robin called out as a last-minute reminder before turning to his fellow associates.

"Whew! That was a close one," the tactician said after making sure the three of them were alone. "Thanks for bailing me out there Gregor. I thought for sure they were going to find out about our plan."

"It is no problem," Gregor answered with a laugh. "Now we get to smash some heads, yes?"

"Yep," Robin answered as he pulled out his steel sword. "I'll take out any reinforcements from the north so you and Lon'qu should focus on securing the south-western front."

"We know the plan," Lon'qu answered curtly with his Killing Edge already in hand.

"Alright then, let's get down to business. Hopefully we won't have to resort to Plan Super Chicken…. Er… Plan B. Well anyways, good luck you two!"

"Gregor no need luck! Puny enemies stand no chance against the mighty Gregor Smash!"

And with that, the two swordsmen eagerly ran off towards the group of enemies.

"Guess I should head out too," Robin stated as he checked to make sure that he had an extra tome and a Concoction with him. "Though I have to say, guarding all those forts by myself isn't going to be an easy task."

"Who says you're going alone, love?"

Robin nearly let out a scream as he found Tharja suddenly standing right behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Robin cried out in surprise. "I thought you were going to help secure the eastern forts!"

"Oh, they seem fine without me," Tharja replied with a creepy smile as she drew closer towards the tactician. "Besides, I couldn't let my future husband and his… Wingmen partake in such a risky operation without my help."

"Future husband? What? And how did you…?"

"I just happened to be outside your tent yesterday," the dark mage replied nonchalantly. "You know how I like to keep track of you."

Robin couldn't help but feel both disturbed and impressed by the fact that even Lon'qu hadn't been able to detect Tharja's presence during last night's meeting.

"Ahem. Well, as long as you don't tell anyone else about this, I guess I could let you join me for this battle," Robin stated as he tried to inch away from his stalker. "But that means no weird love hexes or anything of that sort while you're with me, okay?"

"Sure thing… heh heh heh…"

Still feeling rather uneasy, Robin set out for the northern forts with Tharja following close behind.

**xxx**

For the next several minutes, everything went according to plan. With Chrom's army keeping a wide distance from him, Gangrel saw no reason to advance on his own towards his enemies. And just like Robin had predicted, the positioning of the Shepherds made it so that the advancing enemy forces were funneled towards the forest where Chrom and Olivia waited.

"Stop staring!" Olivia shouted out as she continued to swing her sword wildly against the wyvern rider in front of her. Sadly, Olivia's abysmal strength meant that her sword was harmlessly bouncing off the wyvern's foot as the enemy soldier and his mount continued to watch with a bored expression. After several minutes of watching what equated to an ant hitting an elephant with a blade of grass, the wyvern itself got tired of waiting and prepared to eat the dancer. However, its plans were cut short as Chrom suddenly burst out of the forest and slew both rider and beast.

"Fear not Olivia!" Chrom declared heroically. "I shall protect you!"

After spending a few seconds recovering from the prince's dramatic entrance, Olivia finally managed to speak up.

"Umm… th… thank you sir Chrom," Olivia stated meekly. "I… I don't know what would've happened if… if you didn't show up…"

"Oh, that's simple. You probably would've ended up as wyvern chow," Chrom joked with a hearty laugh. Unfortunately, Olivia didn't take this response very well and ended up turning as pale as a sheet. Noticing the dancer's reaction, Chrom gave an uneasy laugh and decided to change the subject.

"Ahem. It's dangerous out here so why don't you stay by my side for the rest of the battle? As long as I still draw breath, I promise to protect you from any and all harm!"

"That's… not really all that necessary," Olivia stuttered out as she turned bright red. "But I guess I'll do my best to help you regardless. Here, let me use one my dances to help invigorate you."

As Olivia began performing her dance for Chrom, one could easily imagine a pair of hearts appearing above the couple's heads.

_I guess I owe you one, Robin_, Chrom thought as he became mesmerized by Olivia's dance._ This was probably you're greatest plan yet._

**Meanwhile…**

"THIS WAS THE WORST IDEA I'VE EVER HAD!"

Just as Robin yelled this out, another wave of reinforcements popped out of the northern forts and made a beeline towards him.

"Holy Naga! Just how many of you guys are there?"

None of the enemy soldiers decided to answer him as they flocked murderously towards the tactician. Luckily for Robin, Tharja suddenly appeared from behind him and wiped out the oncoming enemies with a flurry of Elthunder spells.

"That's what you get for trying to touch my dear Robin!" Tharja declared as she fried an oncoming Hero unit with a single magical blast. "No one can lay their hands on him except me!"

As Robin watched the ongoing massacre, he couldn't help but feel that he would've been safer with the enemy soldiers.

Realizing that Tharja had the situation under control, Robin quickly glanced towards the area where Gregor and Lon'qu were at. As expected, the two swordsmen easily handled the enemies around them. After taking a look at the rest of the battlefield, Robin couldn't help but give a small sigh of relief. Asides the seemingly never-ending reinforcements, everything was going according to plan. With all of the stronger, promoted enemies being taken care of by Gregor, Lon'qu, and himself, Chrom and Olivia were free to take down the remaining stragglers at their leisure. And from the looks of things, the two were starting to get along pretty well.

As Robin began contemplating whether or not to order the final push forward, he saw something that nearly made his heart stop. Apparently, Anna had managed to notice the large treasure chest sitting on the eastern side and was now making a mad dash to get her hands on it. Luckily for her, the merchant was agile enough to dodge all of the attacks that were being thrown at her. Unfortunately, Anna soon crossed into Gangrel's agro zone causing him, and his sizable group of guards, to begin advancing on her position.

With only a few minutes to act, Robin frantically tried to figure out a way to rescue Anna as well as diverting Gangrel and his men away from the still-vulnerable Olivia. Noticing that Cordelia happened to be close to Anna, Robin began to frantically wave his hands as he tried to signal the Pegasus Knight. Thankfully, Cordelia managed to see the signal and quickly realized what was happening. Without wasting a second, she took to the air on her Pegasus and approached the treasure-obsessed merchant.

"Anna, what do you think you're doing?" Cordelia shouted out as the merchant began opening the treasure chest with a greedy look in her eyes. "Robin specifically told us not to advance until he gave the signal!"

"Who cares about that?" Anna replied in a half-crazed voice. "My instincts tell me that there's something extremely valuable inside this chest! Now then, prepare to see the rise of Anna, the Merchant Goddess of Ultimate Wealth! Behold the shining glory of… oh, wait… it's just a Goddess Icon. Drats."

After giving an exasperated sigh, Cordelia lifted up the disappointed Anna and placed the merchant behind her on the saddle. Just as Robin began thinking that things were going to turn out alright, a new problem presented itself. As Cordelia and Anna took to the skies, the money-crazed merchant happened to spot another treasure chest on the opposite end of the battlefield.

"Pegasus woman! Take me to that chest right now! It calls to me!" Anna suddenly yelled out as she began reaching out towards the treasure like a child (or Gaius) after candy.

"ARE YOU DAFT?" the normally-composed Cordelia screamed out as she tried her best to keep Anna from knocking the two of them out of the sky. "Do you not see Gangrel and his entire army heading towards us? We need to get out of here right now!"

Unfortunately, Anna's mad desire for treasure won over any logical reasoning as she suddenly reached forward and took control of the reins. As such, Robin was forced to watch in horror as Anna and a screaming Cordelia began flying directly towards the oncoming enemy troops.

"That idiot!" Robin eventually managed to yell out in frustration. "Does she seriously plan to kill off our best Pegasus Knight over a single treasure chest?"

"I honestly couldn't care less about how all of this ends as long as I'm next to you but don't you think you should spend less time panicking and think of some way to save those two?" Tharja casually commented as she obliterated the last remaining enemy soldier near them with a Flux spell.

"I know! I'm trying to think of some way to get Lissa close enough to use a Rescue staff on them but there's just not enough time!"

"Then why not have those other two Wingmen go and distract the enemy? After all, neither one of them died when I performed my secret hex experiments on them in their sleep so I'm sure they're sturdy enough to take a few hits."

Upon hearing this, Robin's face immediately brightened as he instantly formulated a new plan.

"You're a genius, Tharja!" Robin shouted out triumphantly as he suddenly hugged the shocked mage. "Alright, let's hope we can move quickly enough to save Cordelia and that crazy merchant!"

As Tharja continued to stand in a daze over the sudden embrace, Robin began signaling to Lissa, Gregor, and Lon'qu about his new plan. After getting a confirmation signal from all of them, Robin turned to face his companion with a smile.

"You're a lifesaver Tharja! But… umm… did you really use Gregor and Lon'qu as your test subjects while they were sleeping? Because that's kinda… very disturbing to know."

Tharja didn't respond for a long time as Robin continued to stare at her with a confused look. After a while, she spoke up in a surprisingly embarrassed voice as she tried not to look at the tactician directly.

"…Fool. Why did you have to suddenly hug me like that? I didn't even get a chance to use my love potion on you yet…"

"Huh? What are you… Oh, that…" Robin said as he turned red from realizing what Tharja was talking about. "Umm… I was just… err… I wasn't really thinking and… Oh, hey look! I think there are more reinforcements popping out of the forts again! Guess I better go take care of them!"

And with that, Robin ran off leaving a heavily blushing dark mage behind.

**xxx**

"MWA HA HA HA! VICTORY IS MINE! GAZE UPON MY SHINING MAGNIFICENCE AND DESPAIR, PUNY MORTALS! I HOLD IN MY HANDS THE OBJECT OF YOUR ETERNAL ENSLAVEMENT! BEHOLD! THE GREAT AND MIGHTY POWER THAT IS… BULLION (M)!"

While Anna was busy continuing her crazed tirade about obtaining the contents of the treasure chest, Cordelia and her Pegasus were sprawled on the ground as they both tried to recover from the thrill-ride that the merchant had dragged them through.

Thanks to Cordelia and Anna's combined speed being astronomically high, none of the enemy soldiers had managed to land anything more than a glancing blow to either of them. Even Gangrel had missed them entirely with his Levin Sword as they literally flew right above the Mad King. Unfortunately, Anna's insane driving antics had left Cordelia in such a dizzied state that the two were now literally stranded on the western edge of the battlefield with Gangrel's army closing in on them.

"Urk… I can't believe… it's going to end like this," Cordelia lamented while simultaneously trying not to hurl. "I probably shouldn't have… Urp… rescued that crazy merchant…"

As she said this, the front-guard of Gangrel's army caught up to her location and immediately began charging towards her with blood-lust in their eyes.

"Guess… this is it. If only… I could have seen his face… one more…"

"GREGOR SMASH!"

Cordelia practically jumped up in surprise as an enormous explosion suddenly sent the advancing enemy soldiers flying into the sky. As the dust slowly settled, Cordelia saw Gregor standing in the middle of an enormous crater with the bodies of his vanquished foes strewn about.

"Meh… not really much of a challenge, no?" Gregor commented as he observed his handiwork.

"Uhh…" was all Cordelia managed to say in response.

Unfortunately, there wasn't much time for talking anyways as the second wave of soldiers appeared and began charging towards the two. Just as Gregor prepared to jump into the fight again, a blue-colored blur suddenly whizzed across the advancing troops, causing all of them to stop in their tracks. As Cordelia watched in amazement, all of the enemy forces suddenly fell over dead as Lon'qu materialized next to Gregor.

"Heh. About time you catch up with Gregor!" the mercenary joked as he gave Lon'qu a slap on back.

"Please. I only let you get the first attack so you wouldn't feel left out," Lon'qu replied with a rare smile on his face.

Cordelia simply continued to stare with her mouth open as the two warriors continued on with their battlefield banter. Off to the side, Anna carried on with her money-worshipping while paying zero attention to the events around her. However, this comical scene didn't last very long as Gangrel and his last few soldiers finally came into view and began charging at our group of heroes.

"Guess it's time to tidy the house," Gregor remarked as he noticed the oncoming forces.

"I think you mean it's time to clean up house, old-timer," Lon'qu corrected casually.

Just as the two prepared to finally put an end to the mission, a magical blue flare suddenly went up from where Robin was at. Seeing this, both Gregor and Lon'qu faced each other with a puzzled look.

"Isn't blue flare signal for Plan Super Secret Headless Chicken Run Diversion from Crazy King of Doom?" Gregor asked while scratching his head. "Why does smart man want us to fall back when we can end mission now?"

"The only thing I can think of is that Chrom hasn't finished flirting with Olivia," Lon'qu replied in an annoyed tone after a brief silence. "Ugh. I still can't believe we agreed to this ridiculous plan."

"Ah, cheer up comrade!" Gregor said with a laugh. "This just mean we can ask for more gold when job is done. For now, why don't we start retreat? I'll take Pegasus lady with me while you handle crazy red-haired merchant. Good luck!"

Before anyone could complain, Gregor suddenly picked up a very bewildered Cordelia as well as her Pegasus before charging off towards Robin's current location without breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, Lon'qu simply gave an exasperated sigh before looking down to see Anna hunched over on the ground while caressing the large chunk of gold in her hands.

"Yes… the Bullion (M) is mine… my own… my precious," Anna was heard muttering in a raspy voice.

Normally, Lon'qu would have been mortally afraid of getting near a woman but for some reason he found that his irrational fear did not seem to associate the delirious merchant with his perception of the female gender. As such, Lon'qu managed to pick up Anna without much trouble (asides from her intense struggling) and slung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before running after Gregor.

**xxx**

"Umm… I know I'm going to regret asking this but how did you manage to carry both Cordelia and her Pegasus all the way here by yourself?" Robin asked once his two associates arrived.

"Eh, this nothing," Gregor replied, not even out of breath after his amazing feat. "You should have seen Gregor in his youth. People come from all over country to see the young Gregor run transcontinental marathon while juggling fifteen cave-bears with one hand."

Robin decided not to say anything as he couldn't figure out whether Gregor was joking or not. Instead, he turned to face Lon'qu who was ironically on the verge of passing out after his trek across the battlefield while carrying Anna.

"You okay there?" Robin asked while handing over his water-skin. After taking a drink and spending a couple minutes recovering, Lon'qu faced the tactician with an extremely irritated look.

"I demand the entire country of Ylisse for what I've just been through," the swordsman replied. "Do you have any idea how many times she tried to bite my fingers off during the trip here? Not to mention all that accursed rambling about her 'precious' and whatnot."

"Heh… heh… sorry you had to go through all that," Robin said sheepishly. "But hey, look on the bright side. You've gained a ton of experience throughout this whole misadventure. I'm sure that you could even beat Basilio with the skills you have now."

"I find that highly unlikely," Lon'qu stated coldly but his expression seemed to soften up just a bit. "Either way, you might want to send in both the Pegasus woman and that… money-cultist to the infirmary. The both of them probably need some intensive therapy after everything that's happened."

After quickly signaling to Lissa and getting both Cordelia and Anna warped out of the war-zone, Robin faced his friends with a determined look.

"Alright, there might have been a few setbacks but despite all that, we've managed to make it this far and our operation is almost complete. All we need to do now is stall Gangrel for a few more turns then Chrom and Olivia's relationship will be guaranteed to reach C-level."

"Turns? C-level?" Gregor asked with a confused look.

"It's just how I see things on the battlefield," Robin replied dismissively. "Anyways, the point is that you two have done your part in the plan. Now it's time for me to fulfill my role as well."

After a brief silence, Gregor gave a sigh before putting on his usual smile and slapping Robin on the back.

"Just make sure to come back with enough limbs to pay back Gregor," the mercenary joked as he began heading off towards the main camp. "Good luck smart man."

"Don't mess this up," Lon'qu simply said as he followed Gregor.

After making sure that his friends were out of harm's way, Robin unequipped the steel sword he was using as he faced the oncoming forces of Gangrel and a handful of Fighters. Just as he was contemplating which fort to position himself in, Tharja suddenly reappeared next to him from out of the shadows.

"So… what level is our relationship at?" Tharja asked in a seductive whisper.

Robin couldn't help but jump up and give a shrill scream in surprise at his stalker's sudden appearance. After recovering, he faced Tharja with an annoyed and slightly fearful look.

"What are you still doing here? Didn't you leave some time ago?"

"Oh, you know I'm always going to be at your side," Tharja said as she inched closer to the tactician. "Anyways, why don't you answer my previous question? Just how intimate is our relationship?"

"Uhhh… p…probably a low C after all that paired-up fighting we did earlier," Robin said as he tried to back away. "Now could you please back off for now? I've got a very important mission and…"

Much to Robin's surprise, Tharja did back off once hearing his reply. Even more surprising however, was the hurt expression on the dark mage's face.

"Umm… are you okay?" Robin asked, almost afraid of the answer he was going to get.

After a brief silence, Tharja answered in a clearly disappointed voice.

"So I'm just a low C-level companion to you. Well, it's not like I expected anything better. You probably just see me as that one creepy weird girl who keeps following you. Whatever. I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll just go now then…"

As Tharja turned around to leave, Robin gave an audible sigh before suddenly grabbing her hand. With a rather shocked look, Tharja looked back to see the tactician looking at her with a gaze that she couldn't quite place.

"Stick close to me, okay?" Robin said after what seemed like an eternity. "My job here is to make sure Gangrel and his goons stay alive long enough for Chrom to finish his stupid courting ritual. And by courting ritual I mean watching Olivia dance for him. Anyways, I'm going to tank the enemies' attacks for a few turns so make sure you don't accidentally fry them too early."

Realizing that this was Robin's rather clunky way of saying sorry for his insensitivity, Tharja shook off his hand and turned away from his gaze to hide her blushing face.

"Idiot… I hope for your sake that our relationship goes up to at least B-level before this is all over," Tharja mumbled out while still refusing to meet Robin's eye.

"Heh. I'm not sure what scares me more now: Getting fried by Gangrel's Levin Sword or the threat of being hexed to death by you afterwards," Robin joked as a smile crept back on his face. "Alright let's do this. Oh, and for the record, I'm naming you an honorary member of the Wingmen. It's only fair after all the randomness I've dragged you through."

"Like I ever wanted to join your stupid club," Tharja said, unable to hide a small smile of her own. "Anyways, I suggest we get to one of these forts before Gangrel shows up. Even with me by your side, you'll need all the extra defense you can get to survive through this."

"Actually the Levin Sword deals magic damage so I'd need resistance, not defense."

"…Don't make me hex you for ruining the moment."

"Yes ma'am."

And with that, the two lovebirds (?) went off to complete the greatest operation in the history of the entire Fire Emblem universe.

**xxx  
><em>Several months later…<em>**

At a small pub in Ylisstol known as the Eliwood Tavern, three familiar figures were all hunched over at the counter with various looks of irritation on their faces.

"Bartender! Give me a glass of your strongest drink!" Robin declared angrily from his seat.

After receiving his drink from the scowling bartender, Robin began to one-shot the entire glass as if trying to extinguish his inner frustration and fury.

"Umm… easy on the drinks, smart man," Gregor commented worriedly. "You are but a young lad and…"

"You're not getting paid Gregor," Robin answered after finishing off his glass. "None of us are. Everything we did was just a gigantic waste of time."

"…In that case Gregor will be taking a glass as well. Actually make that ten. Also add in some of that Feroxi Vodka to all of them."

For a while all that could be heard were the various chatting noises from the crowd inside the tavern along with the sounds of Gregor downing his barrel worth of alcohol.

"Mind telling us exactly what happened?" Lon'qu asked as he sipped his tea (as usual the swordsman refused to drink anything that would inhibit his actions). "The only thing you've told us so far is that Chrom was a complete and utter idiot who deserved to be eaten by a Risen from the bottom up."

After grumbling out something incoherent, Robin explained what had gotten him in such a bad mood.

"Chrom introduced us to his future wife today."

"And?" Lon'qu pressed with a questioning glare.

"And he brought out Sumia as his freaking fiancée!" Robin shouted out, causing everyone in the tavern to stare at him. "I mean don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against Sumia or anything but… really? After the hell he put us through, he had the nerve to reject Olivia and go for Sumia? Argh! I could've torn his head off on the spot if Lissa and Frederick weren't watching! And guess what our great and noble prince had to say when I asked him about Olivia? He said he preferred to be with Sumia because she showed concern for him when he fell over a pebble! A SINGLE FREAKING PEBBLE UNDID ALL THE HARD WORK WE PUT INTO GETTING HIM AND OLIVIA TOGETHER! I'M GOING TO MURDER THAT SON OF A-!"

"Calm down," Lon'qu stated in a bored tone. "You're causing a scene."

"SO WHAT? I GOT FRIED BY GANGREL'S STUPID LEVIN SWORD AT LEAST SEVENTEEN TIMES AND NOW I LEARN THAT IT WAS ALL FOR-!"

Robin's raging was only cut short when Gregor suddenly let out an enormous burp that shook the entire tavern. After this rather abrupt interruption, Robin managed to calm himself just enough to stop screaming like a lunatic.

"Okay, fine. Maybe I am overreacting but who honestly wouldn't after what I… we've been through?"

"I wouldn't," Tharja suddenly said as she sat down on the empty seat next to Robin.

Again, the tactician leapt out of his chair with a shriek at his stalker's sudden appearance. After recovering from his shock (as well as glaring down anyone who was laughing at his girly scream), Robin faced Tharja with a skeptical look.

"Do you really expect me to believe that you're not the least bit angry or disappointed about Chrom's idiocy?"

"What do I care about that prince's love life? All I care is that we've managed to get our relationship up to an "A-level" according to your scaling."

"Tch. Guess Gregor and I were just playing wingman for you all along," Lon'qu stated in a half-teasing, half-annoyed tone.

"Shut it or I'll strap Anna to your back again," Robin retorted.

"…Bartender, I'll take what these two just had," Lon'qu ordered as he tried to block out that horrible experience from his memory.

"Hand me a glass as well," Tharja added in. "Nothing's more romantic than sharing a drink with your fiancé."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Robin said. "People only get married once they reach S-level and I seriously doubt our relationship is anywhere close to that right now."

"Gregor still confused with this C, B, A, and S level thing," Gregor said in a clearly drunken voice. "Gregor tried to ask smart lady Miriel about this and she said the smart man probably had severe case of sleep derpivation… drepidation? Dripivation? Ummm… lack of sleep. Yeah. That thing."

Robin simply gave a large sigh before getting a refill himself. After a long silence, Robin lifted up his glass and cleared his throat causing his associates to stare at him.

"Well… we're definitely not getting anything for our hard work so I might as well give ourselves a consolation cheer," Robin announced with a tired look. "Here's to all the hard work and suffering we went through to fulfill a hopeless romance. For the Wingmen!"

"For the Wingmen!" the other three repeated before downing their glasses. After a few seconds though, Gregor suddenly spoke up.

"You know, Gregor thinks the Wingmen is not done yet."

"What do you mean?" Robin asked.

"This is just gut-feeling but what if we need to pair up more people in army later? Like kids of the army will come from ruined future to help us stop an evil… umm… dragon! Yeah, and… uhh… there will be side story with giant red lobster man from foreign country as well! And smart man will be evil dragon and go rawr! And the only thing to save us from evil smart dragon man will be kids from future! And the Wingmen must get parents together so that kids will have Galeforce power to get easy victory! Then we pay money to go to beach and spa and festival to celebrate! But then we have to max stats by paying more money to battle crazy merchant lady in a really hard dungeon called Apathos… Aporos… Apotheos… something. Anyways, crazy merchant lady will now be RNG Goddess! And then we beat her with superior stats and skills of future kids! All thanks to the help of the Wingmen!"

"..."

"..."

"Go home Gregor, you're drunk."

And thus the legacy of the Wingmen lived on…

* * *

><p><strong>If only they knew the harsh regulations around Chrom and his love life. Turns out if he has even a C support with any of his potential lovers other than Olivia, then they take priority over the dancer... NO MATTER WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH TO GET THE TWO TOGETHER! Yeah, it's easy to see what part of this tale was based on actual events. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to mess around with Chrom's family tree to enact my revenge during my fifth playthrough. Hey Morgan! I order you to marry Inigo! Huh? He's your uncle seeing as how Lucina's your mother and Chrom is married to Olivia? Do it anyways! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Okay, the fact that this even exists is really starting to creep me out...<strong>

**On that disturbing thought, I'm out! Whoop whoop whoop whoop!**


End file.
